Separation
by ardentes
Summary: The fluidity of his soul is broken. The past soul and the present soul do not enmesh as well as they once did. Can they cope or will they separate? Youko and Shuuichi sure have their work cut out for them. And what is Hiei's role in all of this? 'I watch through the eyes of my other self. That is all I ever seem to do.' Y/S, rating may change later, shounen-ai, yaoi
1. Chapter 1 The PreStorm

I watch through my other-self's eyes. That is all I ever seem to do. He never talks to me anymore. He asked me several months ago not to talk to him unless he asks me to. I admit that it is quite frustrating trying to be silent for him. However, I saw how much he was torn apart when his mother became ill again and he no longer seemed able to handle my input. However, certain times, such as now, I feel I need to talk to him.

I call to him_, "Shuuichi"_ He yells at me, sounding quite irate,

_"I don't need you to talk to me right now! Leave me alone!" _I growl, irritated by his unjustified intolerance of me as of late,

_"Little Kit, you are not paying attention to your surroundings. Six teenage boys are following you. There might be more. Their stance looked like they were scanning for prey and you have become their target!"_ I had to inform him of this because I refuse to let any aspect of me be sullied by these slimy ningens who enjoy taking down someone they see as inferior and doing so in such a cowardly way. He continues to walk but slows down some so he can analyze the situation more carefully. He replies to me quietly,

_"Thank you."_ The words seem somewhat forced but at least he is taking the situation seriously. I sigh. He says to the boys,

"I know you are following me. There is no use in hiding anymore since I know you are there." His voice only hints at strength and confidence, revealing none of the anxiety I can feel from him. Three of them show themselves. I notice at least one behind the dumpster, possibly two. I smell cheap cologne ahead of us— there is the sixth one. But are there more?

One of the boys says, "You're so pretty we thought you were a girl." Shuuichi HATES it when humans mistake him for a female! He will never admit how much it irks him but he cannot hide it from me.

Another boy, this one with darker hair and darker eyes but same height, around 5'8, says, "We'll have fun with you anyways. I bet you love a big cock in your ass, don't yah you fag!" Another thing that irks both Shuuichi and myself is the insistence of humans to label same sex relations as depraved. Now I am itching to get a crack at these whelps.

Shuuichi smiles a calm, cold smile and says in a very detached tone, "I'm afraid you've chosen the wrong person as your prey. Besides, I doubt any of you have enough down there to fulfill me anyway." I have to smirk at that one. Usually he avoids such vulgar remarks but it will rile them up and they will not think when they are fighting.

A voice from ahead of us says, "Boys, he's mine!" The teenager isn't as ugly as the first three. He has jet black hair and piercing brown eyes. However, his face is too gaunt and angular, as if it has been broken and repaired so many times that metal replaced where cartilage and bone should be. He takes out a switchblade. Ohhhh, I'm scared! Seriously? This is truly a waste of time. I think Hiei could show them a real knife. The boy charges. Shuuichi dodges but keeps his hands behind his back. The stabbing motions the boy makes are loose and sloppy. Shuuichi passes up several openings before grabbing the boy's wrist and breaking his hand. He punches him in the stomach to knock the wind out of him. He could have incapacitated him easily! Why is he hesitating? He seems to feel sad when fighting them. True, they are pitiful, but they came after him with cowardice and malice.

Shuuichi says, "If you do not leave now, I cannot promise you will be able to leave later." His voice is calm but I can feel his anxiety. He feels pity for them! I feel slightly sick at such a notion. They deserve to have their asses kicked- not to have someone hold back extensively because that someone could kill them without much effort! None of the boys leave. He is too reluctant to engage these idiotic weaklings! The first three pull out switchblades as well. Shuuichi sighs and waits for them to attack. He dodges the first and third boy and breaks the arm of the second boy. The second boy crumbles to the ground. The first and third boy attack Shuuichi again. A fourth boy tries to attack from behind. Shuuichi barely dodges in time. I growl. He should just end this! Shuuichi dodges more attacks and breaks the limbs of two boys at once. The fifth boy comes out and he is bigger than any of the other boys. Shuuichi has two shallow knife wounds on his arm and seems tired. He has lost some of his training it seems. The fourth and fifth boy attack at once. Shuuichi dodges both of them and waits for them to attack again. The fifth boy attacks. Shuuichi focuses on him and tries not to inflict too much damage. He grabs the boy's wrist and breaks it. The fourth boy is behind him. I don't think Shuuichi realizes this as he deals with the fifth boy and trying to force him to stay down.

I tell Shuuichi, _"The fourth boy is behind you." _Shuuichi jerks to the side and barely misses being stabbed in the gut. Instead, his shirt is torn. He waits and the boy attacks again. Shuuichi twists the boy's arm and breaks his arm and wrist in a strong twist. Shuuichi lets go and leaves. He doesn't say a word and just runs. He seems slightly shaken. Why does he run? Why is he upset?

I ask Shuuichi_, "Why do you seem upset?" _

Shuuichi responds angrily,_ "I thought I asked you to pretend not to exist."_

I growl at him, _"Shuuichi, I have been completely silent for five months and yet you still have not grown any better. I at least deserve to know what the hell is going on!" _

Shuuichi says, _"I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to be like everyone else! And yet, I never can. You won't leave! They would think I'm nuts if I told them about you. I can't confide in anyone! Hiei would never understand being human and Yusuke and Kuwabara could not comprehend this either! If I were normal, Enma would not be mad at me for sneaking into his vault and my mother would not have been poisoned in an attempt to get to me!" _He blames me for all of it! He doesn't say it but it is glaringly obvious from his little rant. Does he not see that I have tried to help him and be what I can for him?!

I growl quietly_, "Shuuichi, don't blame me for the bad and take the good as things you did on your own. We both know it is not our fault for Shiori being ill again." _I control my anger and irritation enough not to negatively enhance the situation.

Shuuichi sighs and says, _"I just want to talk to someone and be able to have friends just like everyone else. I have been struggling to deal with everything and I feel like I'm caving in!"_ I feel some sympathy for him but wish he would talk to me about it. He never wants to talk to me anymore. I feel his pain radiating from his part of our soul and I want to help him but he simply refuses help.

I tell him_, "You can always talk to me. Even if you just want me to listen, I'm here for you little kit."_ He never is willing to talk to me about anything anymore. When he was younger, he would ask me stupid questions and talk almost too much to me. I can't say I didn't enjoy it but sometimes it annoyed the hell out of me. Now, I wish he would be a fraction as open as he was when he was younger.

Shuuichi asks me, _"How do I know you aren't just going to jerk me around for your own entertainment?"_ I growl inside of his head. I can't explain how much that statement enrages me! I have done NOTHING of that sort!

I ask him, _"When the hell have I ever taken anything you've said to me when you needed to vent and turned it against you?! When have I taunted you with any information besides your sugar highs and liking Hiei?! Hell, even I admitted I liked Hiei!"_

Shuuichi responds, _"You were a cold, callous, crafty, cruel thief who hurt those close to him because he wouldn't admit how much they meant to him! Why should I expect any different?" _It suddenly hits me that he understands nothing of why I did those things and how I have changed. I can't help but feel disappointed and disheartened. I feel no need to push this any further. I truly wish he could understand. It would make the future so much easier. I know our soul is in turmoil and without such a basic understanding, we have even more to break us apart.

I tell him solemnly, _"Should you ever want to talk to me, call for me." _I do not talk any further. He has done enough damage. I retreat from his senses, so I can't see what is going on. I need time to adjust to this blow, swallow my pain, and figure out what could help him.

Shuuichi asks me crossly_, "Youko, why did you never tell Kuronue you loved him? Every single time he told you he loved you, you would want to say it back but you never did. Why?"_

I tell him despondently_, "When you calm down and want the real answer, I'll give it to you. Now, however, you are too belligerent to calmly listen to me."_ Kuronue was very important to me. I hated and regretted never telling him that I loved him. It was a cheap shot and Shuuichi knew it. The wounds Kuronue's death left on my soul are still very painful and fresh. I curl up into a dark corner of his mind. I let myself slip into unconsciousness so I don't have to think about how irritating Shuuichi is right now. Maybe the pain won't come to me in the morning, but I doubt it. It's always in the morning where I feel our soul tear itself apart.


	2. Chapter 2 Revelations and Distress

A/N: Okay, for those who don't know or haven't figured it out, italics mean _mental conversations_. I do not list it as always saying that the characters are talking mentally and so just go by use of italics. If large passages are in italics and there is no set up besides it being a scene change, assume it is a dream. If it is not a dream and the entire passage is in italics, then the chapter will give you adequate clues as to what exactly is happening.

Shuuichi's POV

I knew better than that. I knew better than to drag up Kuronue but he always holds things back from me and I never can hold anything back from him. He always probes everything out of me. I hate it when he does that! He can get me to tell him anything. I sigh outwardly and finally arrive home, where I am alone and without anyone to talk to. I don't want to go to the hospital like this. I want to take a shower before I visit the hospital. Then, I'll do homework while mother sleeps and leave once visitation hours are over. I hate knowing that I can't do anything to save her. Youko said five months ago that if we tried to heal her, or any demon tried to heal her, she would die. I don't want to think anymore. I just want her out of the hospital and safe with me. I know Enma will still try to hurt me and Koenma is still in exile in Ninigenkai, although no one knows where. Botan can't help because Enma would kill her if she tried to heal my mother. I unlock the front door and enter the silent domicile.

I awake the next morning feeling very lonely. I feel strange and my head feels oddly empty, as if Youko wasn't there to read my every action and word. I find it almost scary not to sense Youko. In my mind, I call out to him,

_"Youko, are you there?"_

_ "I'm here little kit."_ Youko replies with an oddly fatigued voice. He sounds ill!

_"Why do you sound off, Youko?"_

_"Why do care, Shuuichi? Yesterday you made it as clear as day that you don't trust me enough to believe I care about you. What makes you think I trust you enough to actually care about me?"_ Youko's voice sounds very distressed and worn out. I admit I was harsh on him yesterday but that doesn't mean I don't worry about him. I must have pushed it too far this time, especially by pulling Kuronue into the argument. I have not been talking to him much or him to me but I wanted to know what it might feel like if he weren't there. I found it to be rather lonely and I don't want that! Yet, he infuriates me because he teases and taunts me and I let it effect me.

_"The last time we talked before yesterday was when you pushed me to my breaking point to tell Hiei I loved him. I didn't think I could handle any more arguments like that. I do care about you Youko but you frustrate and tease me endlessly. I do not want to know what would happen if I vented my fears to you and it scared me to think of telling you about them because you would use the material continually to harass me. But I would never repeat what you tell me, I promise." _It took a lot of humbling for me to say that but I want to know what is wrong.

Youko just tells me, _"I want you to be strong for me, little kit. Don't let anyone hurt you like that, not even me." _His voice is still reedy. This answer only troubles me more than I am willing to admit. I try to reach out into Youko's mental sanctuary. He doesn't let me in but reaches out to my own mental domain. I allow him. I feel agony across his entire being. I try to wrap my ki around his but he tries to reject it.

I tell Youko, "_I want to comfort you. You shouldn't be in so much pain."_

Youko laughs bitterly and says in that still cracked voice, _"I told you the same thing six months ago when your mother first entered the hospital. I am not in much pain." _He's lying badly and I can't stop the panicky reaction that rushes through me and my ki.

I ask Youko, _"Why do you hurt? What can we do about it?"_

Youko asks, sounding irritated, _"We? As in you and I? You will do nothing while I deal with my own pain. It is my pain alone. I will not relegate it off to someone else."_

I tell Youko earnestly, _"You've heard me vent every single frustration about my mother and her illness. You also have heard me vent about the sorrow I feel. Let me pay off some of the debt I owe you for this. So, I ask a second time; why do you hurt?"_

Youko says quietly, his words full of his frustration, _"I wish I could explain it but then you would have to get rid of these ridiculous notions in your head that I am manipulating you for my own pursuits. Sometimes I do 'pester' you about certain things that I think would improve your life more than anything else does. Other times, I 'pester' you because you never talk to me. I need some sort of interaction little kit, or I become easily bored and a bored kitsune is a dead kitsune." _What in kami's names does that mean? Is that why he is hurting? Is my ignoring him hurting him? Gods, I hope not!

I ask Youko, sounding more perturbed than I intend, "_Am I the one hurting you Youko? If so, please tell me so I can fix it! I never intended to hurt you!"_

Youko replies very quietly, as if sacrificing a great deal in order to speak, _"We are separating. You seem to ignore me and I seem to try to help you but it never works. Our souls, once one soul, are splitting and I am shouldering the brunt of it because it is all of my memories and actions that have to separate from yours since you are in control of the physical body." _We're separating?! Why are we separating? What do we do? Can either of us survive the separation? Do we even want to be separated? Does Youko want us to separate? Is Youko dying because of this? Is there a way to end this? Are we both going to die or is only one of us going to die? Can Hiei aid us? Koenma is out of the picture and so is Botan. Maybe Genkai could assist us. All of these questions as well as others circle in my head.

I ask Youko, _"What do we do? Should we go to the temple and meditate to try to work through this together or is it more complex than that?"_ I try not to sound uneasy but my fear slips into my mental voice regardless.

Youko says weakly, _"Going to the temple for a few hours would be best. If I could take over and roam around for a little while, possibly my body will split from yours entirely or nothing will happen. Either way, I would be able to handle the pain more tangibly. However, if we switch rolls, you might experience the pain. If you do, tell me so we can revert to our original rolls again."_

I reply to him, _"Okay Youko. Is there anything else I can do?"_ I want to help him. His agony is immense and it terrifies me to see the one I always looked up to for strength seeming so tired and weakened.

Yoko says quietly, _"Conserve your energy. If we have to split, you'll need as much as possible."_ In other words, he wants me to stop trying to soothe him even though he feels very faint and weak. I try to wrap my ki around his. I hear him sigh in exhaustion and then he lets me give him some of my ki. I feel him stabilize for the most part, although he is stabilizing at a level far below the norm for him. I sigh hard. This is going to be a very trying ordeal. I don't want to ponder about losing Youko. He's always been there. A few months ago, I could not endure being constantly thought of as him, or as a lesser being than Youko. I wanted to be my own person, without the projections of Youko constantly pushing me down. I had wanted to be alone, be somewhat normal. Now, however, the thought of life without Youko is an unpleasant one at best. I drag myself out of bed and head for the kitchen to eat before taking a shower.

As I am finishing my breakfast, the phone rings. I grab it and answer, "Hello, Minamino residence, Shuuichi speaking."

A voice replies, "Hey Kurama, it's me Yusuke. Look, something's wrong with Hiei and we need you to come down to Genkai's temple asap." Yusuke's voice sounds anxious and angry. I try to calm myself down, telling myself it is probably nothing.

I ask Yusuke, "What is Hiei doing?"

Yusuke replies, "He was pacing back and forth muttering senselessly about Youko. Now, he is not responding to anyone. Yukina tried to talk to him but he won't even grunt or flinch when she hugged him. I don't know what to do Kurama! Just get your ass down here, okay?!" Yusuke seems to be panicking prematurely but this still is an odd occasion.

I tell Yusuke, "I will be there shortly." Yusuke replies,

"Okay, see you in a few." Yusuke hangs up. I sigh. He seems not to have any sort of manners, especially over the phone.

I ask Youko, _"Why do you think Hiei would be acting so strangely? Why would he be talking about you and then fall into catatonia?"_

Youko replies, _"Hmm, strange indeed. I think he might have felt our energy last night but there's no explanation for his sudden catatonic state."_ I finish my toast and get dressed before heading towards Genkai's temple.

Disclaimer: I don't own YuYu Hakusho or any of its characters. I make no money from writing this. Please read and review! I hope you enjoy it. Again, please review! (re-edited 8-10-2012)


	3. Chapter 3 Jagans and Meditations

Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho or any of its characters. I write this story for my own personal enjoyment and the enjoyment of others. I gain no money from writing this.

A/N: It is hard for me to write without some support, so please review. My brain wanders between stories very easily. At the moment, I'm actively working on four fan fictions and six original stories. I do have clinical ADD but not just the part where my attention shifts. My attention also can be riveted to one thing to the point of not being able to sleep. Thusly, my updates are sporadic and varied. Fanfiction also does not like to cooperate and let me upload documents, so I had to wait a while to update these two stories. I apologize! Please review! Reviews make it easier for me to write more!

As we are walking up the steps, I notice it feels easier to communicate with Shuuichi. We have been discussing theories of why Hiei is in catatonia and I am not exhausted. The energy required to calm the splintering and hold a mental conversation with Shuuichi should have me unconscious by now. I feel closer to him right now, as if he has weakened the mental wall between us. This isn't our normal state.

I ask Shuuichi, "_Do you feel something's amiss with our communication?"_

He replies,_ "I sacrificed part of the barrier I resurrected between us in case it would harm us while you try to take over."_ It surprises me that he willingly lowered the barricades around his mind.

_"You generally dislike allowing me to see you beyond those barriers."_ It has been too long since I've felt his voice so close. Normally, his voice is as if I were talking to another person. However, without the barrier, it truly feels like I am talking to either someone with telepathy or a very close friend or lover. I revel in this quietly, allowing Shuuichi to sense how content this makes me feel. We continue to discuss the situation at hand until we reach the dojo.

We finally arrive at the dojo. Yusuke, Genkai, Kuwabara, and Keiko are outside waiting for us. Kuwabara rushes towards Shuuichi. He says,

"Shimp's gone nuts! He won't move or even speak, even to my sweet Yukina."

A harsh voice replies, "Oaf, you know nothing." Hiei is standing there, his death glare aimed at Kuwabara.

Shuuichi asks politely, "And why did I need to be called here if nothing is wrong?"

Hiei glares at him and almost hisses, "You damn well know why. My jagan went fucking berserk when it sensed the changes going through you."

Kuwabara asks, "Wait, what? What changes? Kurama, are you okay? Is something wrong? Do we need…"

Shuuichi interrupts, "It is a very personal matter that Hiei did not have the prudence to keep silent in front of everyone."

Hiei retorts, "You should warn them what might happen." He truly is concerned but it is none of his fucking business! It is OUR decision whether to tell them what might happen. IT IS NOT FUCKING HIEI'S DECISION!

Shuuichi tells Hiei, "Follow." His tone is very serious but not cold enough truly to make Hiei understand how angry we both are at him. I can sense Shuuichi's anger. Hiei follows us to a natural clearing ¼ mile away from the temple.

Shuuichi says, "While it may be wise to inform the others of what might happen if the two parts of my soul split, it is too early. Youko and I will inform them at a time of our own choosing. Now, answer me this, why did you go into a state of catatonia once you figured this out?" His voice is very sharp in the beginning but the last question shows some concern for Hiei's well-being, which is understandable. Hiei grunts and looks away. Shuuichi rolls his eyes.

Hiei says, "I lost control of my jagan. Trying to calm it down was difficult. Your presence distracted it long enough for me to defeat its attempt to take over my mind." That is surprising to say the least. I thought the jagan would not try something so taxing again. After Hiei's fight with Yusuke, he realized that the jagan had taken over part of his mind and asked us to help him reclaim that part so it wouldn't cause him to act so foolishly in the future. We agreed and I mainly helped Hiei, being mentally much stronger than I am now. My spirit seems to be trying to gather youki, but for separation or for fusion of our soul, it is hard to say.

Hiei asks, "Fox?"

Shuuichi replies, "Yes, Hiei." Hiei frowns and says,

"I need to speak to Youko." Shuuichi lets me control the vocal chords without argument or any seeming reluctance.

I ask Hiei, "Why do you need to speak to me?"

Hiei says, "You're trying to build up your youki reserves but do not have a lot of youki active right now. Are you aware of this?" He's been spending too much time at Mukuro's. I miss it when Hiei would speak more with gestures than words, now it seems to be a slight mixture of both. It is harder to tell what he is thinking now because his gestures, while small, were easy to read if you knew Hiei long enough. Hiei now is difficult to read because his gestures are only for show and his voice is calm.

I tell Hiei, "I am aware of this but I am not consciously building up my reserves. It puzzles me. If it were a fusion of our souls, then Shuuichi would be experiencing this rationing, correct?" Hiei grunts, meaning he can't say for certain. I sigh.

Hiei informs me, "If you are separating, you will need more youki." He puts his hand on my arm and actively sends me some of his ki.

Hiei says, "If you start splitting, I'll know." I can see in his eyes he wants to help us, that we are important to him. I smile at him as honestly as I can, which looks as if I am mocking you when we are in my form.

I tell Hiei, "The others are waiting." He nods. We go back to the temple.

Kuwabara runs up to us and asks, "What's going on, you guys? I don't like being left out!"

Shuuichi says to Kuwabara, "It was a private matter. Basically, I am experiencing shifts within myself that Hiei could spot." His jagan probably sensed me as weaker now and it could force us to do whatever it wanted because of this. Before, I had overpowered the jagan's desires but barely. If the jagan tried to attack us now, we would be defenseless.

Genkai says quietly, "Kurama knows how to take care of himself, unlike you and the idiot." Yusuke is concentrating on making wards and seems to be ignoring us all, which is good. He needs to learn to make wards to protect his family if he plans to stay in the Ninigenkai. Many youkai would love to kill Yusuke, if only to brag that they killed the former king of Tourin.

Kuwabara says, "Urameshi, don't you have anything to say? You should tell Kurama that he needs to tell us all what's wrong so we can help, like the team we are!" I sigh in Shuuichi's head and if I had control right now, I would be rolling my eyes. This is not a matter that concerns him and we know how to take care of ourselves!

Yusuke replies, "Grandma's right Kuwabara. He's a lot older than even Hiei and so he knows how to take care of himself, or is supposed to know anyway. And Kuwabara, I doubt you want to get into that damn fox's head anyway. It would probably scar you for life. You admitted that every time Youko comes out you almost piss yourself." The grin on his face is worth the wait. I laugh. Kuwabara has every reason to fear me but it should be in respect for my power, not disgust for my being, which I believe it to be the latter.

Kuwabara says angrily, "I DID NOT! Besides, if you had to sit in the same room with that menacing aura hovering around you, you would be scared too." I roll my eyes again. My aura demands respect, but it isn't menacing in comparison to the others we've dealt with.

Shuuichi says to Kuwabara in a calm tone, hiding his amusement, "Kuwabara, Youko is not going to eat your liver whole or anything that you foolishly believe. As long as you have locked away anything shiny, he can be enjoyable to be around, if you mind your manners." I have to laugh at that one. Oh Shuuichi, if they could only see how sarcastic you truly are they would be shocked into silence for days.

Kuwabara spouts, "I don't want to hang around a liar and thief like Youko to even learn if he's fun to be around!" I growl and so does Hiei.

Yusuke says, obviously annoyed as well by the statement, "Kuwabara, just shuut up! I'm trying to work on these wards and you're irritating screeching isn't helping any. Besides, you shouldn't dig a bigger hole for yourself you moron."

Kuwabara yelps, "Hey, what did I do wrong?" Keiko sighs and smacks her own forehead at the sheer overwhelming stupidity that is Kuwabara at this moment in time. I am amazed that such a stupid being was allowed to be born. Kuwabara does have his moments of brilliance, but his stupidity outshines his most brilliant moments.

Shuuichi changes the subject and asks Genkai, "May I stay the night in one of the back rooms for the night? I need solitude to meditate and calm the changes occurring." That's a good way to put it. Genkai nods.

Kuwabara suddenly screeches, "SHRIMP! I'll kill you, you little runt." Hiei seems to have cut Kuwabara's favorite jacket to bits while it was still on him. I cannot help but see the twinkle of mischief and, dare I say, joy in Hiei's eyes. Hiei enjoys hassling Kuwabara more than he would ever admit. Even Shuuichi cannot help but laugh at the situation. Now, if we can keep a naively uplifted attitude and not think the worst during meditation, we might be more successful in focusing our energies and analyzing the irregularities to determine if we are indeed splitting, merging, or losing part of ourselves. Genkai just shakes her head and leads me to one of the other buildings on her property, far away from the ever-boisterous and ignorant fool that is Kuwabara.

_Shuuichi berates me, "Kuwabara may be flawed but he is a very loyal and kind human. He has one of the purest souls I have ever seen."_

_ I reply to him, "Because Kuwabara hasn't seen the truly disgusting cruelty of men as much as anyone. Yukina is a good soul because she has seen and experienced hardship and torture and still pleads for their lives. Kuwabara knows little about torture."_

_ Shuuichi tells me solemnly, "I hope he never has to experience or learn more about torture. Ignorance of it is bliss, and knowledge is embittering." I make a noise of agreement. _

As we reach the farthest building on her property, Genkai tells us solemnly, "I had a suspicion something was wrong when Hiei came back a week early. Yukina was well so it had to be you. The candles will be in the closet to your left, along with matches. Yukina is making some tea and will bring you some shortly. The tea has a slight sedative in it to help calm the oafs outside." Shuuichi bows respectfully and replies,

"Thank you Genkai-sensei. Your kindness is most appreciated." Genkai grunts and opens the panel for us.

She then says, "I will be checking on you every four hours. You probably guessed that Hiei will be observing you as well. If there is anything else you need, tell Yukina when she brings the tea." Well, so much for perfect solitude, but I expected as much. She leaves us to our thoughts while we set up for a long meditation. I can feel Shuuichi's anxiety and I cannot help but feel it myself. All we can do now is pray to Inari that everything goes well. It is too early for anything to happen but if it does, we can only hope that we are ready.


	4. Chapter 4 Splitting

I am more nervous than I am willing to admit, even to Youko. I have tried for over an hour to calm down and meditate but it is extremely difficult. I feel like my ki is charging around me, ready to combust at any moment. It is unnerving. Yukina's tea helped little. I breathe deeply, trying to calm down. I suddenly feel a rush of vertigo and shut my eyes. Suddenly all sensation and noise stops. I open my eyes to find that I see nothing but blackness. It is unnerving. I can't feel or find Youko. I try to concentrate on him but it feels painful when I try to find him. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on coming back to my physical body. I feel an unpleasant burn across my entire being. It feels like I am being transformed against my will. I call out to Youko, trying to find out what is going on,

_"__Youko,__are__you__there?__What__'__s__going__on?__" _It is silent. I can't even feel him! I feel empty. I open my eyes to see the light of the candles in front of me. I feel a strange soreness across my body. Unexpectedly, I hear Hiei say,

"You were splitting fox. You don't have the energy reserves yet to complete the split. I had to stop it before you killed yourself." His voice is uncharacteristically quiet. He sounds saddened.

I reply, "Thank you for your help Hiei." I do not say any more. I search for Youko. I feel panicky. Where the hell is he?

Hiei says, "Youko is there but he has no spare energy. His energy is being taken from him faster than he can produce it. He is barely conscious right now. He cannot comfort you and cannot say a word but he is there and still alive. Baka kitsune, don't try that again today." Why is Hiei helping me out so much? I appreciate his help, and I must admit that I genuinely feel honored to have him care for me enough to assist me. However, what does he want in return? Is he hoping to show his concern or does he feel it is his duty to his partner?

I ask Hiei, trying to use a neutral tone, "Why do you help us so? I am not ungrateful. I am very appreciative of your help. However, it seems…odd for you to help us in such a way." He grunts his usual, 'hn' and leaves. I sigh. I hear Kuwabara ranting,

"If Kurama is ill, I'm gonna beat yah up shorty!" I am acutely aware of how loud he is. I feel his voice echo in my sensitive ears. I groan and place my hands over my ears a second, hoping the pressure will relieve the throbbing from the shrill sound of Kuwabara's yelling. I feel a warmth inside now, where Youko is. He's letting me feel him again, which means he regained some strength. Hiei tries to establish a mental link. I allow it.

Hiei says into my mind, _"__I__'__ll__transfer__energy__to__you__later__tonight.__Stay__at__the__temple.__"_ I feel Hiei cut the link. I nod, knowing he probably can see it. I feel exhausted and need something for this headache that's forming. I feel the throbbing in my head increase when I hear Kuwabara speak again. I try desperately to calm the throbbing with pressure, since I know I can't concentrate enough to grow something for it with all of this noise. I fight back a whimper. The throbbing is increasing into my neck and shoulders. I close my eyes. Little black and red dots circle around my closed eyes. Vertigo and nausea take over. I let out a whimper, hoping not to pass out. I hear someone yell at Kuwabara,

"Shut up you stupid oaf." Kuwabara continues to rant. The door slides open and Kuwabara comes in. I wince at the light. It sets my already sensitive nerves into more painful spasming. Kuwabara asks loudly,

"Are you alright? Did shrimp do something to you?" I hiss in pain,

"Get out!" I hear him stumble out and yell,

"Yukina! Kurama's ill or something!" I growl low in my throat. I need silence and darkness; I don't need more noise or fuss! He doesn't close the door. Yusuke comes in and asks quietly,

"Hey Kurama, you alright?" I growl, not able to form words because of the painful throbbing that is taking over my throat, making me feel like I'm about to choke. I manage to rasp,

"Leave and shut him up!" Yusuke doesn't say anything else and leaves, shutting the door. I hear him tell Kuwabara in a normal tone,

"He probably has a headache. He wants quiet and your loud obnoxious voice ain't helping." Kuwabara squeals a retort and I want to scream. It feels like stabbing in my ears to hear such loud noise. His voice carries too well! I hear the sound of dragging. Kuwabara's voice is becoming quieter. I sigh in relief, but still cradle my head in my hands because of the painful throbbing. It is slowly going away but it still is agonizing. I feel all of my energy drain from me as I lie on the floor, almost in fetal position. The pulsing in my head is diminishing; oddly enough, I feel my ability to stay conscious diminish as well. I force my eyes open to look for Hiei. If anything happens while I'm unconscious, Hiei will assist me. I see Hiei sitting at a windowsill. He looks at me and says quietly,

"Sleep fox." In other words, he'll be here for me if I need him. I let myself fall into that alluring darkness, hoping nothing awry happens.

I awake to find myself on a sleeping pallet, still in the room I was in before I fell unconscious. A gentle voice says,

"We were wondering when you'd wake up. I'm soo glad you're alright!" It's Yukina. I try to sit up. She says quickly, trying to prevent me from getting up,

"Please lay back down Kurama-kun. Hiei said to keep you lying down until he returned. He said he had to gather some sort of herbs for you." What herbs would he be trying to acquire? Why must I lay down until he returns? I still feel quite weak, so I do not plan to argue. I sigh. I ask her,

"Did Hiei say anything else concerning me?" I want to know if he told the others.

Yukina says quietly, her voice full of concern, "He said that your soul is splitting but he only told Genkai and me. He didn't tell Yusuke or Kuwabara, saying that he did not have your permission." I sigh in relief.

She looks at me oddly and asks, "Why do you wish not to tell them?"

I ask her, "Has Kuwabara ever been comfortable with the fact that you are a demon?" I know the answer to this. I am hoping she'll figure out why I wish not to tell Kuwabara at least.

Her eyes widen and she says startled, in a very quiet tone, "He would try to harm Youko right after separation." Her eyes seem very sad. Kuwabara has been exposed to demons and yet he still refuses to trust us. She then asks curiously,

"But Yusuke-kun would not do something like that. Why do you not tell him?" I try to explain,

"Yusuke does brash things. This process requires no brashness. He also can distract Kuwabara without the possibility of hinting as to what is taking place, since he does not know." She seems to accept this answer. My brain presses against the back of my skull uncomfortably. It throbs at the base of my neck. I rub the back of my neck with one hand, trying to sooth the pain away.

Yukina asks sweetly, "Is you neck well? Is there anything I can do for it?" I feel uncomfortable lying down like this in front of someone else. I also don't wish for Yukina to needlessly use her youki.

"I expect it will calm down in a short while. Why don't you see if Kuwabara and Yusuke are well? I heard them scuffling earlier and I'm sure one of them could use your abilities." Yukina says in a worried voice,

"I hope Yusuke-kun didn't harm Kazuma-kun too badly." She leaves. I sigh quietly and try to rest, feeling exhausted. A voice from the window at the far end of the room says,

"Rest fox." Hiei sits on the windowsill looking straight at me. His jagan glows faintly underneath the clothe covering it. I nod once. I look into his eyes and reply sincerely,

"Thank you." I allow my eyelids to close because they felt too heavy to try to keep open.

_I find myself in a dark abyss— no sounds, shapes, colors, nothing seems to be able to penetrate this abyss. This is disconcerting at best. I try to find Youko, but everything feels hazy, including my mind. I attempt not to let this alarm me. I finally focus enough to sense Youko far away. I now also sense Hiei. Hiei seems closer than Youko at the moment. I feel this abyss start to fade. I sense myself returning to consciousness. Words and indistinct sounds enter my ears. I am able to distinguish Genkai's voice,_

"His soul is separating. Kurama's human body recognizes that there is two separate entities residing in it and is trying to expel one of them. Since Youko was the one who originally invaded, Youko is the one who is being expelled.**(1)****" **

_I suddenly feel foreign youki enter me. It scorches my veins like liquid lava. I try to scream out. Instantly, it disappears, and is followed with a slight chill. I feel as if I have been cut off from everything once more. The abyss has come to swallow me up once again. However, this abyss is filled with the chill of emptiness, not the comfort of silence. Empty; void; hollow; alone. All I can feel is this vast emptiness that crushes any thought or emotion. Wave upon wave of empty darkness swallows me in a sea of nothingness. I try desperately to call out to Youko but find my thoughts blurring and being devoured by the all-consuming void. I struggle helplessly against this abyss but find myself too weak. I am consumed by this darkness, hoping with all of my might Youko is not gone. _

**(1).** This explanation, as well as other elements of this story, were inspired by Sahna. This explanation is a variation of her explanation of Kurama and Youko separating in her story "Split Down the Seams". I highly recommend this fanfiction, but warn that there is a lot of yaoi content. My story does not contain blatant yaoi yet. But there will be some later. There is a small hint in the next chapter, but it's brief.

A/N: I apologize for taking forever to finish writing this chapter. I had to figure out a way to do this that did not go into too much detail that it would confuse, but too little that it was worthless. I think I ended up not doing too well, and may rewrite it later. I will probably rewrite this entire story, or edit it at least, at a different date. Thanks to Sahna for allowing me to use some of her ideas from her story "Split Down the Seams". Anyway, review please! I need to know what people think and which areas I can improve, because I know I can definitely improve.

Also, doesn't Yukina use suffixes like kun or san or chan, or am I imagining things?


	5. Chapter 5 Dark Abyss and Light

_**Disclaimer; If I forgot in other chapters, I own nothing. I make no money from this. I do not own YuYu Hakusho or any of the characters, they belong to Yoshihiro Hogashi. **_

_**A/N: (warnining, contains partial philosophy lesson) the spirit is the form that contains the mind and the soul, youko will be talking about wounds, those wounds are spiritual, not physical, although they are described in a similar fashion. I am using Plato's theory of forms and applying the concept that since you can become wounded in this world, in higher planes of consciousness, you can also be wounded and they manifest themselves in similar ways. **_

_**Also, italics here mean that this is Youko in the spiritual plane of consciousness. **_

_ I attempt to piece together myself again. My soul is in pieces, but I can rebuild it, as I had done before when I was shot by that hunter nearly 20 years ago. I feel a warmth surround my broken soul. Damn, let it not be one of Koenma's agents trying to take me to Reikai! I want to see Shuuichi again! I see flashes of Shuuichi's life go before my eyes. His laughter, his smiles, his love for our mother Shiori, his love for Hiei, the Dark Tournament, Yusuke's death, the Makai Tournament— every moment feels like a blur. I feel more warmth much different than I felt from a reaper the last time. I can finally distinguish what, or rather who, is providing this warmth. Spirals of Hiei's youki bind my broken soul closer together, like a box with which to contain objects to make sure they do not become misplaced. I sigh in relief. My spirit and mind work feverishly to put myself back together, continuously repeating that Shuuichi must be alright if I am still somehow not in Reikai. Gods, if anything happened to Shuuichi I will not know what to do. I have loved that kid for a long time. His happiness I denied him, but I hope that he will have an opportunity to be happy because of this. I force myself not to think about him, no matter how much I want to. I force my mind to pick up the pieces, slowly reintegrating them back into myself._

_ I lie on the floor of this mental sanctuary bleeding out, but trying desperately to grab at the small fragments of pearls, which glitter like the finest stolen jewels on this black floor. I feel weak and my limbs feel extraordinarily heavy. I scoot over to grab more of these pearls of myself. In kitsune legend, our souls are considered to be a pearl or an orb. That is not true. One pearl per tail, is the rule. Since I have four tails, four large pearls lay shattered before me. My agile fingers quickly pick up each tiny shard I can until I move on to the next one. The youki surrounding me helps to prevent my wounds from getting worse, though they do not help heal them because only Shuuichi or I can heal them. Shuuichi, I pray to Inari you are alright. I force myself to focus on this time consuming and painful task. Each movement burns as my muscles have been torn and I am incredibly weak due to blood loss. I won't die but I will be weak for quite a while because of this. I sigh. Nothing else can be done about this. _

_ I feel alone again, although in one piece. A hole is still through my chest. This wound bleeds profusely. I try to bandage it but it does not calm down. I lie on this dark ground with my blood around me. Everything around me is dark, but I am accustomed to this. I feel cold because of so much blood loss. I feel the tinges of death stroke my mind and soul, but it is a brief pass. It is as if they want me to know how narrowly I escaped their clutches. The pain has dissipated into an uncomfortable numbness. I curl up, trying to rest to recover from the damage inflicted on my spirit._

I feel drops of water hit my arm. My arm is at an odd angle and is getting wet. I hear almost silent shudders. I suddenly smell a deliciously arousing formula of tamed roses, some earthy tones, a bit of spice, and salt. I feel something grasp desperately at my arm. I open my eyes slowly. The room is dimly lit with a few candles, all windows being barred shut. I look over to my right arm. There is the being I have been hoping to see since I was trapped in my own unconscious to recover from the split. His red hair surrounds him like a bloody halo. He clings to my right arm desperately, snuggling with it in his fitful sleep. His body rises and lowers slowly, every once in a while hitching as if sobbing. He is facing me, and his head is against my upper arm. I see tears running down those alabaster cheeks and it makes my tongue itch to swipe them away. I instead kiss his forehead gently. I feel rather tired still, and wish for more rest. My youki is almost completely gone, but it seems to be returning. More rest is required though. With my left hand, I reach over and stroke his beautiful locks. It comforts me to see him, and notice how close he is. I feared briefly that he would run, leave me behind. Before last week, I was sure he would have been elated, and ran as if his life depended on it the second he became conscious. I sigh and gently wrestle my right army from underneath him. I cradle him to my chest, and bury my nose in his sweet- smelling hair. It feels so right to have his deceptively delicate looking body in my arms. I fight the weight of my eyelids, desperately trying to savor this moment. I do not know if he will ever allow this again. I strongly desire to hold him in my arms again just like this. His body feels so comfortable against mine. I feel an odd peace being able to hold him like this. However, my eyelids win after a while, and I fall asleep.

I awake to hearing Hiei say vehemently,

"Youko would not do that, and you know that." I hear the sad, almost broken voice of Shuuichi reply,

"He may be the kitsune he was before he came here. If so, I want to escape. I don't want to be a plaything to him. I know he would use me however he wished if he is the same kitsune as before." Shuuichi is not in my arms anymore. I try to snuggle to where he is, which is only about a few inches away. I grasp him and lay his head on my chest. I feel very groggy but I know what I want. I tell him honestly,

"Stay, stay here at least while I recover." If I cannot convince him that I truly care for him and I do not think of him as a toy by then, then nothing will.

Hiei asks, "Did any escape the barrier?" He must be talking about the shards of my soul and his youki box.

I inform him, "No. Thank you, Hiei. I will talk later. I'm tired and Shuuichi is in my arms. I want to sleep."

Another voice says, "You've slept for four days straight. It took us hours to calm Kurama down. He eventually collapsed after two days. Don't go sleepin' another four days, ok?" I see Yusuke standing in the doorway, trying to act casually but his concern slips out in his eyes and somewhat in his voice. I reply firmly, making eye contact with Hiei as well,

"I will wake up in ten hours. At that time, have raw meat available for me to eat, and some cooked for Shuuichi, unless he awakes before then. Do not touch or allow others to touch either of us while we sleep. I may mistake someone as an enemy and he will be impaled by bamboo. Hiei, you are allowed to monitor us using the jagan but use discretion. I do not take invasion lightly when I am no longer in need of your assistance." Hiei grunts. Yusuke says,

"Alright, just get some sleep, k?" I nod once. He leaves. I embrace Shuuichi tighter. I breathe in his scent. Inari, I thought I might have lost him! I cannot express how contented I am to have Shuuichi in my grips. Shuuichi shifts and glares at me. I feel puzzled why he is glaring at me. I lift one eyebrow to show my confusion. He says,

"You're holding me as if you think I will disappear." I growl low in my throat,

"It took all my strength not to scream when I realized we had separated. I was spiritually shattered and all I could think about was if you were alive and begging, yes begging Inari to protect you. Do not disappear before I awake." My mind is running in obsessive circles. The thought of him leaving makes me want to bite him, mark him as mine. My eyes greedily stare at that slender curve of his neck. If he dares to run, I will hunt him down and make him mine! He is mine! MINE! I press his body very close to mine, lying on my side so I can hold him tighter. His head is on my non-beating heart. I refuse to let him go. My body feels tired and lethargic. I sigh. I kiss my dear Shuuichi's forehead and allow myself to sleep, comfortable with him alive and in my arms.

My eyes open to see red obscure my vision. Shuuichi's head is on my shoulder. He is still asleep. I feel my lips break into a smile. He is such a vision lying like that. I try to cut off further thoughts about him but his heady scent teases my senses. My nose takes in his delicious scent. I exhale softly, savoring this aroma. I feel Shuuichi squirm in my embrace. Hiei smirks and I see images in my head. Inari, fuck! In one image, Shuuichi's little mouth is around my cock, seeming to suck as hard as he can. Another, Shuuichi is lying naked on the bed, his erection very red and begging for attention while he seems to be panting. In the last image, I am buried to the hilt inside Shuuichi while Hiei is deep in his throat. I groan quietly feeling my cock twitch and swell at those images. I glare at Hiei. He just had to show me those images when Shuuichi was so sweetly asleep in my arms. Hiei mentally tells me,

"In his dream, he begged you to love him. When you said you didn't love him but lusted after him, he responded that he would take what little affection he could from it, and it would be enough." I look down at Shuuichi. Is he really that desperate for my love? It seems quite foolish, because I love him already. I was always accused of being a narcissist but when he has been a part of me for so long, how could I not love him? I feel my body calm down some at the thought of Shuuichi not thinking I love him. It was just a dream but I imagine it is what he believes. I look at Hiei. I cannot deny that there is some affection within me for the fire demon hybrid as well. I mentally inform Hiei,

"If you truly love Shuuichi, I will not ask you to give him up." Hiei grunts and verbally says,

"Baka kitsune. You are part of him. He is part of you. I cannot love one and not the other." I feel a true smile fall on my face. I nod and just hold Shuuichi. I tease,

"If you want, you can join the dog pile." He grunts but stays at the windowsill, but I see a slight curve of his lips to indicate at the very least the thought amused him. I sigh contentedly, enjoying this peace before the possible storm awaiting me when Shuuichi wakes up.

Red eyelashes flutter as Shuuichi opens his eyes. His emerald eyes look weary and anxious, even though he has just woken up. I ask him gently,

"Are you well?" He looks at me a second with a glazed look on his eyes, before blinking and then saying, rather clumsily,

"I'm oh,okay. I just am not accustomed to you having a physical form." I see he is slightly skittish, like a cat around a stranger. I kiss his forehead and ask,

"Are you hungry little one?" He blushes slightly, and is about to deny it, when his stomach growls loudly. His cheeks turn scarlet for a moment before they calm down to just a pink tinge. I smirk. He is adorable, though I'll never say that aloud for he has too much pride to take that comment positively. I chuckle and ask Hiei,

"Would you inform the others that we are awake?" He nods curtly and flits off. I notice Shuuichi squirming to get out of my arms. I relent and let him go, albeit reluctantly. I now see why he was squirming. He has a very obvious erection. I feel amused but I do not approach him so as to not frighten him. I can tell he is somewhat off. I inform him,

"The bathroom is behind you should you wish to use it." I sit up, and prop a pillow against my back. I sit against the wall, knowing I'm too weak to walk right now.

Shuuichi comes back in after a few minutes and asks,

"Are you well? I see you are sitting instead of standing even when you know others who may be hostile towards you will be here soon." I sigh and look towards the window, too prideful to admit how weak I truly am right now. I could probably stand for maybe ten minutes, but would fall right in front of people who seem relatively new to me. I know Hiei because he and I often converse, especially if Shuuichi is busy with homework and Hiei is bored. The others I only know through Shuuichi's eyes. Shuuichi asks quietly,

"Would you prefer to sit in the chair in the corner of the room? At least you would be off the floor and more at eye level."

I see a chair at the opposite end of the room, with a small writing desk next to it, on the same wall as the window. I try to stand up. My legs feel unstable and shaky but I manage to stand. Shuuichi goes back into the bathroom, probably sensing I don't want to be seen so weak. I can feign strength if I am still. I brace myself against the wall with one hand and drag my body over to the chair. Each step feels like a giant task. I feel my body shudder due to how trying it is but I manage to get to the chair. I sit down slowly, easing my weak body into the back of the chair. I tilt the chair back slightly, trying to accommodate my large body in a small chair meant for someone two to three feet shorter than I am. Shuuichi comes out and leans against the desk, showing me his back. This could be a sign of trust, meaning that he trusts me not to harm him. This could also be a sign of disregard, as in he doesn't want to have me in his line of sight. Either way, I am glad he is close. I still feel rather defenseless, and to have at least Shuuichi, who I can tell still has youki, nearby helps ease me some. He is stronger than I am at the moment. If Shuuichi wanted to, he could humiliate me rather easily. Instead, he seemed to acknowledge that I was weak at the moment, but rather than hurt my pride by gloating or making any smart remarks, he suggests a solution to minimize my discomfort. Maybe we can work this out together. While I resided in him, he distrusted me and seemed to like irritating me. Now, he seems to be willing to trust me to some extent.

My thoughts are interrupted by the door sliding open. I see Yusuke and Genkai seem pleased while Kuwabara looks sick. I sigh silently. I hope Kuwabara keeps his mouth firmly shut. Yukina comes in with two large plates of food. I smell rabbit and chicken. The chicken is well-done while the rabbit is raw. The rabbit is skinned and boned as well. I compliment her,

"My my, Yukina, that smells delicious. Thank you dear maiden." I flash one of my less-salacious, but still rather effective, smiles. Yukina giggles.

Kuwabara yells, "Hey, she's taken you jerk! Don't hit on her!" Hit on, hit on, oh yes, hit on is the same as flirt.

Shuuichi replies coldly, "Youko did not mean any disrespect Kuwabara. He was merely complimenting her." Shuuichi goes up to Yukina and kisses her cheek and says warmly,

"Thank you. Your beauty will only make the food more delicious." He smiles his lady-killer smile, which is rather impressive in itself, and takes the plate and sits on the desk, eating casually. Yukina blushes some and giggles. She tells Kuwabara,

"A youko usually would compliment how Kurama-kun did. Youko-san followed a more ninigen approach. If he was wanting to flirt, he would have kissed my lips, then proceed to grope me, all the while whispering salaciously in my ear." She says this with such a straight face I have chuckle a little under my breath. Hiei looks a bit annoyed but I see a glint of amusement. Kuwabara is shocked and sputtering while Yusuke is laughing loudly. Genkai seems ready to roll her eyes. Genkai says,

"Alright, idiot and dimwit, now shut up." Both Kuwabara and Yusuke glare at Genkai. Genkai looks towards both Shuuichi and me,

"What are your plans for the immediate future? You obviously can't wander Ninigenkai as a 7 foot tall kitsune." I imagine I can still alter my shape, but not right now. It will take at least a week before I should attempt any sort of kitsune magic. Shuuichi speaks before I have a chance,

"Both of us are rather weak. We both would prefer to stay here for a little while, if you would allow us."

Kuwabara says, "I bet you could always take Youko's energy. He seems like he'd have a lot since he's like ancient." I believe I would smack him if he were one of my subordinates. I would not tolerate his ignorance and just plain idiocy. Genkai smacks him upside the head and says,

"He did not say he was weak, he said both of them were weak, idiot. Now Youko, did you purposely shield Shuuichi during the splitting with your own soul, so that Shuuichi's soul was guaranteed to stay in tact?" I sigh. I really did try but I was not successful because my barrier was weak at best and it broke before it was over. I nod once. Shuuichi looks at me with wide eyes of surprise. He asks, quite stunned,

"Why? I thought we agreed that I would take my share of the agony." I look into his eyes. They are filled with confusion. I say gruffly,

"I've been through this before. It would have damaged you beyond repair had I allowed that to happen." Shuuichi says quietly,

"We'll talk later." I nod.

Genkai sighs and says angrily in that gravelly voice of hers, "Damned Youko! You almost killed yourself! Botan came here and informed us that you could die. If it weren't for Hiei pulling your sorry ass back together, you would be dead!" I reply calmly,

"I had a better chance of surviving what I took on than if I had allowed Shuuichi's body to temporarily reject his soul. I refuse to allow Shuuichi's life to be substituted for mine. I had a second chance at life already; Shuuichi deserved his chance to live as well." Shuuichi disguises his surprise but I can clearly see through this. Hiei is staring out the window. Yusuke says jokingly,

"Yep, you're Kurama. You have to be the one that takes the hit, like trying to save your mother and then taking that sword for me when we first met. Both of you talk the same."

I reply, "Both of us have the same knowledge. While I tend to use vulgar language in dire situations, I do not use such vernacular often. Shuuichi does not use vulgar terms, even in his thoughts, unless it is life or death situation."

Yukina says politely, "They both are rather tired right now. I think we should let them have some time to adjust." Genkai grunts in agreement and says,

"Let's go dumber and dumbest." I smirk at her form of affection. Her form of affection is sort of like Hiei when he calls me baka kitsune, or stupid fox. When they are out of the room, Hiei stays with us. Shuuichi says quietly,

"Hiei, thank you for everything, but I wish to speak to Youko privately." Hiei grunts and leaves. I sigh. Shuuichi says quietly, looking into my eyes,

"I want to have you hold me like last night. I don't want to talk right now. I just want to rest. Today has been tiring." I stand up unsteadily. I balance out in a moment. I tilt his face towards me, and kiss his forehead. I wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear,

"Baka little Kit, I love you and never forget that. I do not just toss those words around easily the way humans do. When we get better, we can both see mother, alright?" He asks me,

"How did you know I was thinking of mother?" I reply,

"I guessed. You have been too quiet. Just sleep little kit. Hiei and I will keep you safe." He nods. We both eat the food Yukina brought in for us. Once we are done, we sleep on the pallet we have been sleeping on together for several days.

A/N: WOW! 3,625 words in a chapter, that's a lot for this story. I hope you like it. I've been having something happen where I needed to be distracted from life, and so I wrote this chapter and the last half of chapter four in the same day. There are probably mistakes but I wanted to share with the readers anyway, for those who have been waiting for this story to be updated. I apologize for my negligence! PLEASE REVIEW! I need input! How are my details? Am I too vague? Is anything confusing or unclear? Please tell me what you think and where I can improve. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6 Doubt, Confusion, and Trust

Youko6

Youko's arms bind me to him. His hold is too tight. Hiei sits on the windowsill, seemingly ignoring us but I can tell he is slightly amused at my struggles to free myself from Youko's grasp. Hiei says quietly, no longer having a hint of a smile in his face,

"Youko does not want you to leave while he sleeps. His instincts scream at him to mark you as property since you are part of him." I am no longer part of him!

"We are now separate entities. Do you have any idea when he will be leaving to Makai?" My voice speaks calmly yet my mind revolts at the thought of Youko abandoning me. Hiei growls,

"He has nothing left for him there. All that is precious to him is either in this room or in a hospital room in the city." I still will not allow myself to be surprised when he leaves.

I reply coldly, "He has left what was precious behind him before. He may do that again." I hear a voice reverberate underneath me,

"Little kit, if you dare imply that I will leave you, Hiei, or mother, for a world that holds little value besides sad nostalgia again, I will mark you." He exhales softly on my neck. I shiver slightly. His lips gently caress my neck. I feel his sinful tongue stroke the skin underneath his lips. I cannot help the pleasant sparks that travel my body. He inhales deeply and says against my skin,

"Inari, your skin beckons me to blemish it, to worship it." I struggle and look at him. His eyes are glazed over with lust and some other emotion I cannot distinguish. His voice drops an octave as he says,

"I saw images from the dream you had last night. However, the situation in your dream is reversed. I'll take any affection you will give me, and I will try not to ask for more." His eyes are downcast. I feel horrified that he saw that dream! Youko's body is hunched, and he draws away from me. Is this truly him or is this an illusion? The proud being I know would never admit such emotion and would certainly not admit defeat. This must be a trick. I scoff,

"You would never admit defeat. You also have too much pride to confess such feelings." Youko glares at me. I can see rage seething inside, but suddenly it deflates. He turns away and mutters,

"I've never lied to you Shuuichi. I won't start now little kit." I feel confusion fill me yet again. I am irritated by how much he confuses me. Why would he confess to loving me when he could not confess to loving Kuronue when he loved Kuronue with his entire being? I inform him,

"I will check on mother. I will return later when we can continue this discussion." He doesn't look at me. I sigh and leave, planning to go back to my apartment for clothes and a shower.

Once I have left the temple, Hiei comes out next to me. He says angrily,

"Have you ever considered that Youko is still fragile? He shielded you from possibly being torn apart, and in exchange you treat him with coldness that rivals ice." I reply bitterly,

"He didn't trust me to be strong enough to live through it. He blocked me out. It is only fair I repay the favor." Youko is never fragile. He may be weak physically but he is never weak spiritually. His soul and mind are on a higher level than anything I could achieve. It is foolish to think I could be a part of him now that we are separated into individual souls. Hiei mutters,

"The foolishness of humans never ceases to amaze me." He leaves me alone. I sigh. I cannot rid the almost lost look Youko's eyes held after his anger from my mind. Is Youko really that broken? Why would Hiei side with him unless Youko was telling the truth? I feel too confused to deal with this right now. I ponder what to do about classes while returning to my apartment.

Once I reach my apartment, I see two girls from my class knocking on my door worriedly. I sigh and go up to them. The taller one says kindly,

"Oh Shuuichi! We've been worried about you! Where have you been for the past week? The professors are concerned too!" Her voice is too high pitched and loud for my ears right now. I sigh and lie smoothly,

"I've been dealing with some health issues. My mother is ill as well, and so I've been negligent until these issues forced me to handle them. I should be returning next week. Do not worry." I smile my best smile, though I certainly don't feel it. They both blush. I want to roll my eyes. I'm sure Youko would be if he were here. Where did that come from? I force myself not to frown.

The shorter one says enthusiastically, "We hope you get better soon and we'll see you next week! Here is some of your homework, ok." She opens her bag and pulls out several pages. I try not to wince seeing how much I am behind. I tell her,

"Alright. Thank you for bringing me the homework. Now, if you wouldn't mind, I would like to lie down. I am still not well." I smile slightly but allow some of my discomfort to show. They both move aside and no longer block the door to my apartment. They both say,

"See you later!" They both run and giggle like young children. I sigh hard and unlock my apartment door. I take the bundle of homework and set it on the kitchen table. I lock the door. I groan and allow my fingers to run through my unwashed hair. I go to my room and choose some clothes before taking a shower.

I arrive back at my apartment after spending a few hours with Shiori. She is extremely ill and would not wake up. I was hoping to talk to her. Her voice calms me down. It makes me feel safe, happy, and loved. I need those feelings right now without the possibility of them being thrown at me later or laughed at. I know I should go back to the temple, but I am physically and emotionally exhausted. What if Shiori dies? Who do I have left? Will I have Youko or will he steal Hiei from me and leave me alone here? I care about the others in the gang; however, my feelings for Hiei are on a different level. I can't even bare the thought of dealing with a world without Hiei. I feel tears well up in my eyes. I don't have Youko around to tell me not to cry, and that everything will be alright. I wish we had never separated! I want Youko back inside me, even though I hate his playing with me, and his jokes, he cared for me while I was part of him. Now, though, I don't know and I don't feel like he is the same. My tears fall in a steady rhythm as I go to the bedroom. I don't even take off my clothes. I bury my head in my pillow and allow my sadness to overwhelm me.

I have almost fallen asleep after about half an hour of crying when I feel Hiei enter the apartment. I pretend to be asleep. Hiei comes in and strokes my hair, just like Shiori used to do when I was a child. I feel my tears threaten to overwhelm me again. Hiei says in a calming tone,

"Shh, shh, I'm here. Even the mightiest warriors cry at the pain of a loved one." It is so unlike Hiei to offer comfort. I look at him. He frames my face with his hands and kisses my forehead. He says in almost a whisper,

"I'm here. I won't leave you alone." I sigh and let myself cry like a baby. I'm not strong enough to hold it in without Youko in me, and I believe Hiei when he says he won't leave me alone, if only for the sake of keeping me sane. Hiei sits on my bed. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head in his stomach. I cry myself into exhaustion, falling asleep to the calming repetitive petting of my hair.

I awake to find Hiei gone. I am not longer in my apartment. I am back at the temple. I hear voices arguing right outside my room.

"You can't mark him yet Youko! He's on the verge of insanity as it is. He's convinced that you'll leave, that you'll take me with you, and that his mother will die, leaving him completely alone here. If you mark him, he'll believe you want him as a pet, nothing more." Hiei yells. That is the most I've ever heard Hiei say at one time!

Youko replies in an angry tone, "I was going to rip Yusuke to shreds because he said that maybe Shuuichi should live as a human without us. If you hadn't stopped me and calmed me down, Yusuke would have had to use lethal force. I can't go around killing people because they get between Shuuichi and I." His voice softens and he says tiredly,

"My instincts damn well will drive me mad if I don't. I love Shuuichi more than anyone in any world. He is part of me, even now. I loved his innocence as a child, as well as his curiosity. I love his resolve and willpower. I love how he corrects peoples' speech in his head. I love how he bites his lip when he is concentrating or nervous. I love him more than my life. If he could only see that…I would do anything for him to see that."

Hiei says gruffly, "Baka kitsune, you should rest. Maybe he is asleep and so you could spend more time with him." I hear them slide the door open. I pretend to be asleep. I am intrigued by all of this and want to see what happens. Youko drags his feet and then lies down next to me. He nuzzles my neck, inhaling. He groans quietly, and licks my neck. I shiver at that. He asks quietly,

"Shuuichi?" I groan. He says awkwardly,

"Sorry for disturbing you. Just go back to sleep." I ask, feigning extreme grogginess,

"Why'd you lick me?" He says softly,

"Canine spirits often find touch and scent important. I licked you because I wanted to touch you but I knew you would feel trapped if you woke up in my arms again." His explanation is incomplete but I see the sincerity in his eyes. I sigh and tell him, pretending to be making a hard decision,

"It's alright if you hold me, but licking me is weird." He chuckles a little and holds me tightly. I inhale into his chest. He smells like wet grass, wild roses, musk, and something uniquely him. I feel him burry his nose in my hair. He says softly in my hair,

"No other has ever had such an inviting aroma. Clean air, tamed English roses, old-spice, and a tinge of ningen to give a bit of bite to the sweetness. If I could bottle you up, I could make more money than I could ever make thieving." I laugh at the sheer silliness of that statement. I ask him playfully,

"And what about you?"

"What about me?" He asks confused, his ear drooping. I want a picture of this. His confused expression makes me want to kiss him. I suddenly realize what I'm doing and stop. It would be too painful when he leaves if I open myself to him. I pull away from him. He growls deeply,

"MINE!" He clutches to me tighter and growls very territorially. I look towards the door to see Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Yukina there. They all are no threat to him. Yusuke would never hurt him and the other two couldn't hurt him. Hiei growls at Youko,

"Yusuke's married, baka kitsune. He won't challenge you for Kurama." I look at Youko's eyes. They have a wild, feral look to them. I feel very confused and a little frightened. I feel Hiei initiate a mental link. He says mentally,

"Youko's instincts are driving him wild. He doesn't see me as a threat because I have helped him and brought you back to him. If Youko ever has that look in his eyes and you try to run from him, he will mark you with no hesitation. If you don't want him to mark you as his mate, follow what he says and try to please his instincts." I sigh and nod slightly. I feel him break off the link. Youko starts to paw at my hair, trying to run his fingers through it. It irritates me because it is tangled from sleeping. Yusuke asks me,

"What's up with him?"

"He views me as his territory. You are a strong, young demon. You could challenge him and win your right to take me by killing him. I would have no choice. Youko just wants to keep others away from his property." I try not to sound irritated but it slips out a little. Youko's eyes become a little less feral, but now I see pain in his eyes. He shuts his eyes, and they become feral again. I see a bit of fear in his eyes. How did I hurt him? He's a demon! To him, I am property and probably a cute human to fuck with-that's it! Youko growls in my ear,

"Mate needs to behave. Mate needs to not say such things. Mate more than territory." His voice sounds like he has lost control of his instincts, and is letting them rule him. I look at Hiei for help.

"I think we should leave." Yukina says kindly. Kuwabara looks sick. He says obnoxiously,

"DID HE SAY MATE?" Yusuke pulls Kuwabara out of the room and Yukina follows. I am glad they left. Youko asks, still ruled by instincts,

"Mate need anything?" I look at Hiei for what to do. Hiei just glares at me. Hiei leaves the room, looking about ready to destroy something. I sigh and tell him,

"I need to stretch. I'm stiff." Youko lets me go. I want to run but Hiei told me to appease his instincts or else I will become his mate, whether I want to or not. I stretch. My neck hurts when I move it. I feel hands on my shoulders. I stiffen. Youko says,

"Neck hurts from sleeping?" I reply honestly,

"Yes, I did not sleep in a comfortable position." Youko's hands gently grip and then release my shoulders. He kneads the muscles in my shoulders and then at the base of my neck. I sigh. That feels nice. Even though it is not a proper massage, it is loosening up the tension in my neck, making it hurt less. Youko says calmly,

"I'm sorry to scare you. My instincts are getting harder and harder to control. I wanted to mark you because my instincts would calm down enough to where I could restrain them." His head buries into my back. His hands move to embrace me from behind. He puts both of his hands on my beating heart. It feels nice that he holds me like this. He says sadly,

"Earlier, when you said you were my property, it really made me want to scream. I want you to know that you are not an object to me. You mean a lot more than anyone or anything to me." He sounds exhausted. He asks,

"Shuuichi?"

"Yes?" I ask timidly, still uncertain as to what is going on. Youko says quietly,

"I'm still very weak and I know you're confused, but please let me sleep with you in my arms." I look at him. I see a sad desperation in them. This doesn't seem like the Youko I know; in his place is a desperate, love-starved, insecure kitsune. I don't like it. I feel my heart pull at me. Forget it; I can't be cold when he looks like he's going to collapse any minute. I nod. He lays down and waits for me to join him, and puts his arms loosely around me. I can tell he is trying his hardest to make me comfortable. It is heart breaking to see how sad and desperate he looks. I pull his arms around me tighter and wrap my arms around his waist. I tell him honestly,

"I'm very confused and you don't seem like the Youko I knew when you were part of me. However, I realize now that it doesn't matter; you care about me. We'll figure out the rest as we go." Youko holds me tighter and says,

"Thank you, little kit." I smile fondly at that nickname. Even though I used to hate it, it reminds me of the old, confident Youko I know and love. Our foreheads touch and he looks into my eyes. His eyes show exhaustion, fear, desire, hope, but most importantly, love. I curl up next to him more, burrowing my head against his chest. He kisses my hair and then we both relax. I feel oddly at peace right now. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but right now, everything feels alright in the world.


	7. Chapter 7 Instincts, Hope, and a Secret

Note: At the start of the chapter, Shuuichi just collapsed at his apartment and Hiei brought him back to Genkai's temple. It may be repetitive, so I may rewrite it later. This is Youko's POV, if you couldn't guess. Thanks to LordoftheWest and Aristania

Also note that Youko calls Shuuichi 'kit' and 'little kit' as pet names.

Separation 7

My instincts are yelling at me to take him, make him mine, mark him. These thoughts just cycle repeatedly in my head. I have tried to calm them down but it feels too strong. I see Shuuichi unconscious on the floor and my fangs itch to sink into that sweet-smelling flesh. I am sitting next to him. I see that pale, unmarked flesh of his neck taunting me, begging me to place my fangs on it. He wouldn't even have to know. I could just mark him. He is mine! I lean down, just to taste that delicious skin, just to savor it, but Hiei growls,

"Don't even think about it, baka kitsune. Follow." I follow him out of the room, despite not wanting to leave Shuuichi. I know that we might wake him up, and my instincts are yelling as it is. I feel my control become weaker as my insides scream for me to take someone as mine! I need to have my little kit as mine! I growl feral,

"He's MINE!" I must mark him! Disappearing and reappearing injured. I can't stand it! He must be mine! I refuse to let anyone take him away from me! Hiei replies angrily,

"You can't mark him yet Youko! He's on the verge of insanity as it is. He's convinced that you'll leave, that you'll take me with you, and that his mother will die, leaving him completely alone here. If you mark him, he'll believe you want him as a pet, nothing more." At this, I feel my heart tear and my instincts calm some. I still feel angry and frustrated, even though I can think a bit more rationally now.

"My instincts damn well will drive me mad if I don't. I love Shuuichi more than anyone in any world. He is part of me, even now. I loved his innocence as a child, as well as his curiosity. I love his resolve and willpower. I love how he corrects peoples' speech in his head. I love how he bites his lip when he is concentrating or nervous. I love him more than my life. If he could only see that…I would do anything for him to see that." I feel myself become cold at the thought that he doesn't see that I love him. I hate admitting that my pride is in tatters over one human but Shuuichi is so much more than that to me. Hiei sees how upset I am and says, trying to comfort me,

"Baka kitsune, you should rest. Maybe he is asleep and so you could spend more time with him." His voice is gruff, but I see that it is because this is trying on him too. I've already confessed to him that I care for him, but I want to mate with Shuuichi because he is still a part of me. Hiei leads me back to Shuuichi's room. My feet are clumsy because I am still weak. I sigh in relief at seeing Shuuichi still asleep. I want him in my arms so much. That is the only thing that will calm my instincts right now. I lay down next to him, but refrain from holding him. He felt trapped earlier and I don't want him to feel that way. I nuzzle his neck and inhale deeply. I groan at how much I love that scent. I lick his neck softly, imprinting my scent on him as well as enjoying his taste. It is truly delicious. I feel Shuuichi move. I ask quietly,

"Shuuichi?" I hope he is still asleep. Hiei looks amused. Little Kit groans. I tell him, hoping he'll listen,

"I'm sorry for disturbing you. Go back to sleep."

He asks groggily, "Why did you lick me?" He seems a bit confused. I answer softly,

"Canine spirits often find touch and scent important. I licked you because I wanted to touch you but I knew you would feel trapped if you woke up in my arms again." I do not tell him that I left my scent on him. He sighs and says awkwardly,

"It's alright if you hold me, but licking me is weird." I allow myself to chuckle to lighten the mood. I embrace him as close as I can without possibly smothering him. I bury my nose in his luscious red locks and inhale deeply. I love his scent. I murmur, not lifting my nose from his hair,

"No other has ever had such an inviting aroma. Clean air, tamed English roses, old-spice, and a tinge of ningen to give a bit of bite to the sweetness. If I could bottle you up, I could make more money than I could ever make thieving." He laughs. He genuinely laughs. It is such a sweet sound to hear with my own ears. I can't help the smile that appears on my face. He asks, sounding a bit playful,

"What about you?" I am confused. I remove my nose from his hair and turn him so I can see his face. I ask,

"What about me?" Then, I sense others coming. I feel my instincts start screaming at me again. I try to calm them down but the feeling of a strong, powerful youkai male that isn't Hiei makes them feel too strong to resist. I hold Shuuichi tightly. I feel my hackles rise while a growl makes its way out of my throat. The door opens. I see that youkai and I growl loudly, almost roaring,

"MINE!" I keep my hold tight on Shuuichi. I refuse to give him up. I won't let anyone take him away from me. He's mine! I distantly hear Hiei say,

"Yusuke's married, baka kitsune. He won't challenge you for Kurama." I hear him but it doesn't register. I glare at the young youkai. I stroke Shuuichi's hair and try to untangle it. It comforts me some, even though Shuuichi squirms. My eyes are still locked with the youkai's though. The youkai asks,

"What's up with him?" I glare at him enough that he gulps. I want to smirk at him being intimidated. I feel Shuuichi tense. Shuuichi says in a very irritated sounding voice,

"He views me as his territory. You are a strong, young demon. You could challenge him and win your right to take me by killing him. I would have no choice. Youko just wants to keep others away from his property." I instantly feel pain cut through me. I want to whimper. He thinks he is only property. He doesn't want to mate with me! I feel my fear and pain drive my control away even farther. I don't even pretend to control myself anymore. I growl at Shuuichi,

"Mate needs to behave. Mate needs to not say such things. Mate more than territory." How dare mate think he is only territory? Mate should know better! Kit not listening. I feel angry and sad at the same time. A gentle voice says,

"I think we should leave." My eyes do not move from Shuuichi's hair. Mate needs to accept me. Mate better not run. Mate is mine! No one will take him from me! No one! I hear an annoying voice screech,

"DID HE SAY MATE?" Those at the door drag the annoying human out of the room. I sigh, finally calming down a little now that the threat has left. Mate looks like he is in pain. Is mate okay?

"Mate need anything?" He sighs and replies,

"I need to stretch. I'm stiff." I let him go. I watch trying to see what is wrong. Is he fine? Is there anything I can do? I see him move his neck a lot. I ask,

"Neck hurt from sleeping?" He says,

"Yes, I did not sleep in a comfortable position." I found a way to help him, I feel like cheering. I place my hands gently on his shoulders. I work on the muscles to try to loosen them. I work my way up his neck. I feel myself calm down. He is here, letting me touch him, and is trying to calm my instincts. I feel disgusted with myself for giving in so much to my instincts but when I am barely able to keep it together, it is hard to have self-control. I tell him honestly,

"I'm sorry to scare you. My instincts are getting harder and harder to control. I wanted to mark you because my instincts would calm down enough to where I could restrain them." I let go of his neck and slide my arms around his waist, and put my hands over his heart. I curl my head between his shoulder blades. I continue, allowing some of my emotions to color my voice,

"Earlier, when you said you were my property, it really made me want to scream. I want you to know that you are not an object to me. You mean a lot more than anyone or anything to me." He is quiet for a moment, which makes it worse. I feel really exhausted. I could not sleep when Shuuichi was unconscious. I was so close to marking him. I ask him tiredly,

"Shuuichi?" He replies timidly,

"Yes?" I tell him,

"I'm still very weak and I know you're confused, but please let me sleep with you in my arms." I feel so tired. I am exhausted from trying to keep control of my instincts while he slept. I am tired from being separated from him, and I am beaten by the emotional toll of the situation. He nods slowly. I lay down and wait for him. Please don't make me wait long, little kit. I want you so bad. He finally lays down next to me. I wrap my arms around him loosely, hoping he is comfortable. I desperately want to hold him tightly but I refuse to make him uncomfortable and make him want to leave. He holds my arms and wraps them around himself more tightly. He says, sounding very earnest,

"I'm very confused and you don't seem like the Youko I knew when you were part of me. However, I realize now that it doesn't matter; you care about me. We'll figure out the rest as we go." I embrace him tighter, and reply,

"Thank you Little Kit." I feel him relax into my embrace. I bend my neck down almost uncomfortably so our foreheads touch. I drop the usual guards around my emotions, letting them show in my eyes. He looks at them with honesty and I see that they register. He curls his head into my chest. I allow myself to relax some. I kiss his forehead. His body snuggles into mine and I cuddle him closer, relaxing entirely. I savor this moment before the sandman takes me from consciousness.

I awake to find Shuuichi out of my arms. I feel panicky and anxious. I look around. I hear his voice. I hear him say,

"Hiei, thank you. I do not think I would have listened to him if you hadn't helped me. You could have had either one of us to yourself but you chose to have us together before you worried about yourself. Thank you." My body and mind both relax from hearing his voice.

"Baka kit." I smirk. Hiei is adopting my nickname for him. I hear Shuuichi retort,

"I'm not a child." I hear Hiei's famous, 'hn' of disbelief and I hear footsteps. I manage to get up and sit at the desk chair before anyone comes in. Shuuichi opens the door. He looks a bit happier. He sits on the desk, facing me. He smiles and asks me,

"How are you feeling?" I tell him honestly,

"Tired, anxious, hoping last night actually happened." He sighs and says,

"Yes, even though it was really trying, it did happen. But I think that we all can agree that we have feelings for one another. I just don't see how this will work though." I groan,

"Let's cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I'm starving." My stomach chooses to back up my statement by rumbling loudly. I hear a knock. The door opens and Yukina has a plate of fresh, raw meat. She gently places it beside Shuuichi. My mouth waters at the sight. Yukina asks quietly,

"Are you in control today? You disturbed Yusuke-kun yesterday." I nod and tell her,

"Please apologize to Yusuke for me. I am still trying to tame my instincts. I have not controlled a body for longer than a few hours in almost 20 years. Such instincts are new to me again. I forgot how difficult it could be to control them." I hear a voice say,

"It's cool. You just weren't yourself." Yusuke is standing casually in the doorway. I sigh. It irritates me that I didn't sense him. I am glad he doesn't take it personally though. I am rather fond of the fool; he's intriguing and does not bore me. I gaze at the meat and tell Yukina,

"Thank you for the food. It is greatly appreciated." I use the utensils provided and devour some of the meat to calm my stomach before stopping to offer Shuuichi some. The little kit nods no, but then his stomach growls. I smirk. Hiei smirks, steals my fork and sets the meat on fire. It cooks instantly, losing all of the succulent blood and juices, turning into almost a jerky. He puts the fork to Shuuichi's lips. I am intrigued by his behavior. Hiei has been a true asset to both Shuuichi and I. Shuuichi tries to speak in protest but jams the meat-laden fork into kit's mouth. I allow a grin to appear on my face at the funny expression Shuuichi makes. Yusuke laughs out loud and Yukina smiles. I am glad everyone is relaxed. I do not want to worry them and I want things to be calm for as long as possible. Hiei removes the fork. Shuuichi has a bit of a blush on his face. He says,

"Thank you Hiei, but it wasn't necessary. I was planning to go to the kitchen to retrieve my own food." He grunts. Yukina says,

"I will be checking in on you Kurama, Youko and Hiei in an hour for tea. I hope you will join me." Hiei and I nod. Shuuichi says politely,

"We'd love to." Yusuke protests,

"What about me? And don't you want Kuwabara there too?" Yukina says,

"Well, Yusuke-kun, I heard from Keiko you'll be going to the movies soon, and Kazuma will be working on his homework for schooling." Yusuke curses,

"Damn, I forgot about that. She's going to kill me for skipping again. See yah around." He leaves, seeming in a rush. He is whipped. It is so oddly amusing the relationship between Yusuke and Keiko. Shuuichi leaves the room, followed by Yukina. Hiei asks me,

"What do you plan to do about your instincts?" I sigh and inform him,

"I plan to satisfy them at some point. However, I want Shuuichi to know he can trust me first. I do not want to destroy what meager relationship we have left." Hiei grunts and says caustically,

"When do you plan to tell him that you may not ever fully recover? That is something he should know." I want to growl, bite, fight against this thought, but I know it is a very real possibility. A fractured soul is very difficult to heal fully. I reply,

"If I have not regained enough power to transform by the end of next week, I will tell him. Today is Saturday. That gives me six more days to recover. He has enough on his mind as it is. I do not wish to worry him with what may happen when there is no certainty." Normally, I prepare for the worst and aim for the best. However, right now I refuse to prepare for such a possibility. Hiei grunts and leaves. It is remarkable he lasted this long staying with us. I devour the rest of the meat in silence while pondering the next step in mending the relationship between Shuuichi and myself.

After an hour, as promised, Yukina comes in and asks,

"Youko-san, where is everyone?" I reply,

"I haven't seen either Hiei or Shuuichi since you left. Hiei felt claustrophobic and Shuuichi claimed to be getting something to eat." I sense Genkai around the corner. I try to search for Little Kit, but I find myself unable to find him. His youki must be too low to sense. It worries me that he is wandering around while still so weak. I do not like it at all. Yukina says,

"Well, I guess just you and I will have tea, okay Youko-san?" I nod. She says,

"There is a lovely tree right outside that I'm sure you'd like more than being in here. Let's have tea there. It is just outside the window." I nod, hoping she'll go get the tea so I can just gently leap out the window and stagger there. She leaves. I stagger over there and wait for her.

It is comforting to be outside. Yukina and I enjoy our tea quietly. It is nice to have compatible silence. In some ways, she and Hiei both know when words are needed or unnecessary. The birds occupy Yukina while I enjoy the tea as well as the plants greeting me. They wish for me to gift them with youki but I do not have any extra. It is still nice to know my abilities haven't deserted me. I doubt I will regain all of my youki, but at least I won't be an invalid for long. Yukina says quietly,

"I will be starting dinner soon, so I must leave. However, I sense Hiei not too far away. He'll keep you company." I nod and tell her,

"Thank you for tea." I smile slightly. She smiles genuinely and says cheerfully,

"You're welcome Youko-san!" She gathers the teacups and the kettle then leaves. I sigh. I do not sense Hiei or Shuuichi. I relax for a little while against the tree, listening to the stories the tree is telling me about wet summers, harsh winters, and animals who have made their homes within the tree.

I hear rustling. I see Kuwabara coming here and he asks nervously,

"I sensed Yukina here. Where did she go?" I reply curtly,

"She went back inside." Kuwabara looks a bit intimidated but finally says,

"I didn't mean to be mean or anything earlier. Urameshi really got on me for being mean to you about everything. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being a jerk." At least he acknowledges his actions were unjustified. I tell him calmly,

"You assumed I was still the heartless bastard I once was, which is forgivable. I appreciate you acknowledging that you were wrong. Some cannot do so and have fallen because of it." Kuwabara stutters,

"Well, um, I'll see yah around." He leaves. I hear Hiei critique,

"He still is scared witless of you." I smirk and reply,

"At least someone is." Hiei comes down from the tree. I still am irritated that I can't sense anyone around me. Hiei stands to my right, with his back against the tree. He says briskly,

"Shuuichi is working on school work. He said to tell you that he would be back tonight after dinner." I nod. Hiei speaks in a critical manner,

"He will mistrust you even more if you keep secrets from him." He wants me to tell Shuuichi I might not regain my former strength. I tell him,

"I know. Yet, the thought of his worried eyes makes me ill." Hiei replies,

"He thought you considered him too weak to take his share of the splitting. He will take this just as badly if you don't tell him soon." He's right. As much as I loathe to admit it, he is right. I nod once and tell him, disheartened,

"I'll tell him tonight."

**Thank you for reviews and assistance, LordOfTheWest and Aristania. Again, reviews make me want to write more. Please review! I have not done a thorough editing of this chapter, but when rereading it I didn't see any mistakes. Please tell me if you see any mistakes. I also am a bit stuck as to what to write for the next chapter, so advice would be nice as well. PLEASE REVIEW! I'm begging you guys to review!  
**


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